Monday, 22 February 2010

Their Fated Travels...Early OLD Script treatment

So I started making a script treatment of my idea for this long before I wrote it in novel form. I stopped when I realised that it wasn't going to be a script. But here's the script that I'd gotten up to, to let you see a piece of working script in action, from me. Bear in mind, it was written in a Final Draft and I highlighed, copied and pasted the text. Pasting it in here formats it...differently. Please bear that in mind, that in the form I own, it's laid out correctly like a script should be  :)
From reading this and the novel version, you can see the disctint direction that I took it in, being different to this approach. A character like Rissandrea for example is not present in this treatment.



PAGE 1-

A MAP OF THE EMPIRE OLDE WORLD EMPIRE. MAJOR CITIES ESPECIALLY HAVE THEIR NAMES WRITTEN OVER THEM. ALTDORF’S HOWEVER IS BY FAR THE THICKEST AND LARGEST FONT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO IT.
1 CAPTION
ALTDORF, CAPITAL CITY OF THE EMPIRE AND RESIDENCE OF EMPEROR KARL FRANZ I.
2 CAPTION
HOME TO A THOUSAND DIFFERENT IDEAS OF HUMAN INGENUITY - BE IT FOR THE GOOD OR ILL OF HUMANITY.

PAGE 2/3-
A TWO PAGE ESTABLISHING SHOT ACROSS THE CITY OF ALTDORF.
EXT. ALTDORF - NIGHT
AN OVERHEAD ANGLED VIEW OF THE EMPIRE CAPITAL: ALTDORF. IT’S TWILIGHT P.M. WE SEE THE DOCKS BELOW WITH SHIPS AND BARGES COMING TO AND FRO THROUGH THE VARIOUS SHIP LANES THAT LEAD TO SEVERAL RIVERS AROUND IT. A VAST EXPANSE OF THE CITY CAN BE SEEN IN THIS EXTREME WIDE SHOT.
THE CITY IS QUITE PACKED WITH BUILDINGS. ONE OF WHICH IS THE INN THAT THE STORY IS SET IN NEXT.

1 CAPTION
THE EIGHT IMPERIAL COLLEGES OF MAGIC.
2 CAPTION
THE FAMED DOCKS THAT MEET THE RIVERS REIK OF THE MAJOR RIVERS OF THE LAND AT ONCE.
3 CAPTION
AND EVERY MAJOR GUILD THAT ONE COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE.












PAGE 2-
A TWO PANEL PAGE GIVING MORE SHOTS OF OUR SETTING.
1- A CLOSER SHOT OF THE DOCKS AREA THAT CONTAINS THE INN. MORE DETAIL OF THE SETTING CAN BE SEEN. PEOPLE, WAGONS, CARTS, WINDING DOWN AT THE END OF A BUSY DAY GOING TO THEIR HOMES. (SUGGESTED 2/3 PAGE PANEL). TALL SHIPS CAN BE SEEN A THE DOCKS WITH BARGES GOING TO AND FRO.
1 CAPTION

2 CAPTION
INCLUDING PROSPEROUS CRIME SYNDICATES AND -
3 CAPTION
- THE DARK AMBITIONS THAT MANKIND FALLS PREY TO IN THE NAME OF ASPIRATION.
2- SHOT OF THE INN WITH ITS GENTLY SWAYING CREAKY SIGN THAT READS: THE TWO HEADED GOOSE.
4 CAPTION
PEOPLE SHOW THEIR PATRONAGE TO AN INN FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.
SFX: CREE-EEEK
PAGE 3-
SHOTS SHOWING OUR CHARACTERS AS CUSTOMERS OVER THE COURSE OF THE EVENING.
1- SHOT SHOWING MORE OF THE INN NOW, AS WELL AS THE BACKGROUND AROUND AND BEHIND IT. SHIPS CAN BE SEEN OVER THE BACK AND PEOPLE IN THE STREET DOWN THE RIGHT SIDE. TWO WOMEN (THEIR BACKS ARE TO US) ARE ENTERING THE BAR SMILING AND LAUGHING (THEIR FACES CAN BE SEEN AS THEIR HEADS ARE TURNED). THEY ARE BEING PERVERSELY WATCHED BY A SMILING ANDE (OSS), A MARIENBURG FERRY/BARGE CREWMAN WITH TATTOOED ARMS, SCRUFFY THINNING HAIR, GOATEE AND MOUSTACHE - BROWN/GINGER IN COLOUR. AGED 28.
2- ANDE IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME DOOR THE WOMEN WENT THROUGH BEFORE.
1 CAPTION
SOME TO RELEASE TENSION IN THE COMPANY OF OTHERS AFTER A HARD DAY OF WORKING.
3- INT. INN - NIGHT
WE SEE THE DARK SHADED FIGURE WHO IS IN ACTUAL FACT DR PIETRO DE’ATH, HOWEVER, WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SEE WHO IT IS. HE WEARS BLACK GLOVES AND IS EXAMINING PAPERWORK OF SOME SORT. SEVERAL SHEETS OF PAPER ACROSS HIS TABLE IN THE DARK CORNER. WE SEE THE CANDLE ABOVE HIM ON THE HOLDER IS SMOKING A LITTLE WHERE HE PUT IT OUT. HE HAS A BOTTLE OF WINE AND TWO GLASSES ON THE TABLE. THE OTHER GLASS HAS DREGS OF WINE LEFT IN IT. NO ONE ELSE IS AT HIS TABLE.
2 CAPTION
SOME FOR QUIET OR SECRETIVE CONTEMPLATION.
4- WE SEE THE MIDDENHEIM SQUIRE CRAIC PLAYING A DWARFISH GAME WITH RUNE PIECES AGAINST A HALFLING OPPONENT. FOOD AND ALE IS ON THE TABLE - MORE SO ON THE HALFLING’S SIDE. CRAIC WEARS MAINLY MUTED GREY AND WHITE COLOURS. HE’S WELL OVER 6 FEET TALL, DARK SHORT BROWN HAIR THAT LOOKS A BIT UNKEPT AND SOMEWHAT SQUINTING EYES. A BIT OF ROUGH STUBBLE. A STRONG AND HARD LOOKING MAN. AGED 21.
3 CAPTION
SOME TO SIMPLY UNWIND AND FIND A BED FOR THE NIGHT.
PAGE 4-
MORE SHOTS SHOWING OUR CHARACTERS ENTERING THE INN.
1- A 3/4 SHOT LOOKING AT THE DOOR NOW HELD OPEN WITH MAESTRO AND TORDRAD STANDING THERE. MAESTRO IS AN APPRENTICE WIZARD ALTHOUGH HIS ROUGH CLOTHING DOESN’T SHOW IT. HE WEARS SIMPLE BROWN UNASSUMING ROBES THAT COULD EASILY BE THOSE OF A RELIGIOUS MAN, ALTHOUGH THE MATERIAL IS VERY WELL MADE. MAESTRO HAS A SMALL BEARD AND MOUSTACHE, OVAL SHAPED GLASSES, LIGHT MEDIUM/LONG HAIR BUT QUICKLY GREYING THROUGHOUT. AGED 28. HE SEEMS OUT OF SHAPE, WITH A SLIGHT POT BELLY SHOWING THROUGH. HIS EYES ARE A LIGHT PURPLE COLOUR WITH SMALL BLACK FLECKS IN THERE.
TORDRAD IS A VERY TALL KISLEVITE KOSSAR. HIS APPEARANCE IS SOMEWHAT LIKE A RUSSIAN. GREEN EYES AND BLONDE HAIR. HE IS MAESTRO’S BODYGUARD. AGED 21.
MAESTRO IS STARING UP AT THE SIGN AND TORDRAD IS LOOKING AWAY AND SLIGHT DOWN AT HOW SILLY IT ALWAYS IS WITH MAESTRO.
1 CAPTION
AND SOME...
MAESTRO
GOSH, WELL LOOK AT THAT TORDRAD.
LOOK AT THE SIGN ON THIS INN.

REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I SAW IN MY YOUTH YOU KNOW.
2- SHOT SHOWING MAESTRO MARCHING THROUGH THE DOOR, ARMS SWINGING IN A PRONOUNCED MANNER WHILE TORDRAD IS NOW STRAINING HIS EYES UP, LOOKING UP AT THE SIGN AS HE WALKS IN UNDER IT.
MAESTRO (CONT’D)
CONSIDER MY CURIOSITY WELL AND TRULY PIQUED, YES.
MAESTRO (THINKS) (CONT’D)
PERHAPS THE BARKEEP WILL HAVE SOME DARTS AS WELL, I LIKE TO GET SOME PRACTICE IN.
PAGE 5-
TORDRAD AND MAESTRO ORDER THEIR DRINKS.
1- MID SHOT OF TORDRAD STANDING AT THE BAR WITH TWO FINGERS HELD UP. HE CAN ONLY SPEAK KISLEVIAN.
TORDRAD (TRANSLATED FROM KISLEVIAN)
...VOD-KA

2- TWO SHOT OF MAESTRO NOW NEXT TO TORDRAD.
MAESTRO
NOT FOR ME TORDRAD, I’M NOT DRINKING THAT STUFF.
TORDRAD
.
3- TWO SHOT OF THEM. MAESTRO STARING A LITTLE TAKEN ABACK BY THE FEROCITY OF TORDRAD’S THIRST FOR ALCOHOL. TORDRAD KNOCKS A GLASS OF THE VODKA BACK IN ONE.
MAESTRO
WELL...WHATEVER YOU JUST SAID THEN, I’M SURE YOU GOT THE GIST OF MY MEANING...
1 CAPTION
...TO GET PISSED
4- WE SEE MAESTRO SITTING AT THE BAR WITH A TALL GLASS OF MILK, TORDRAD WITH TWO EMPTY GLASSES ON THE BAR ALREADY AND A NEW ONE BEING POURED INTO ONE OF THE GLASSES BY THE BARKEEP. A FAIRLY ROTUND BALDING MAN, WEARING A STAINED DIRTY APRON AND A SCAR THAT GOES FROM THE EDGE OF HIS MOUTH OUTWARDS. HE HAS A NOTICEABLE UNDER-BITE.
2 CAPTION
A FEW MOMENTS LATER...
MAESTRO
MY GOOD MAN I MUST CONFESS.

THE REASON I AM HERE IS BECAUSE OF THE NAME OF YOUR ESTABLISHMENT BEING SUCH.
BARKEEP
AHH, YOU’RE CURIOUS ABOUT HOW IT GOT ITS NAME?
PAGE 6-
CONTINUED CONVERSATION AT THE BAR.
1- TWO SHOT OF MAESTRO AND TORDRAD. TORDRAD IS ROLLING HIS EYES IN DISBELIEF WITH A HAND TO HIS FACE.
MAESTRO
WELL! I ONCE SAW A TWO-HEADED GOOSE.

OR I THOUGHT IT WAS AT LEAST.
TURNS OUT IT WAS JUST ONE GOOSE STANDING IN FRONT OF ANOTHER...HEH HEH.
2- REVERSE SHOT OF THE BARKEEP POURING THE OTHER DRINK IN TORDRAD’S GLASS. TORDRAD’S HAND IS REACHING OUT TO STOP HIM REMOVING THE BOTTLE FROM THE BAR.
TORDRAD
...PLEEZ, .
BARKEEP
WELL, THE DAY WE OPENED WE GOT A TWO HEADED GOOSE IN FOR THE COOKIN’ POT.

MORE MEAT FOR THE SAME PRICE. FIGURED IT WAS A LUCKY SIGN.
3- MAESTRO/TORDRAD TWO SHOT. TORDRAD IS POURING HIS OWN DRINK INTO THE ALREADY EMPTY GLASS. (LINES OF EXCLAMATION COMING FROM THE EMPTY GLASS PERHAPS.) TORDRAD LOOKS DEPRESSED TO BE WITH MAESTRO.
TORDRAD

MAESTRO
YES I AGREE TORDRAD, IT DEFINITELY DOES SOUND FORTUITOUS.
4- TIME HAS PASSED. A REFERENCE SHOT SHOWING MORE CUSTOMERS IN THE INN DOWNSTAIRS NOW. IT’S BECOME MORE CROWDED AND SMOKY. MAESTRO IS PLAYING DARTS IN THE BACKGROUND.
TORDRAD IS AT THE BAR SINGING A KISLEVITE SONG. CRAIC IS SITTING NEXT TO HIM ENJOYING IT. HE THINKS IT’S SOMEWHAT HUMOROUS. OTHER CUSTOMERS LOOK ENTERTAINED AS THEY WATCH ON.
THE DARK SHADED FIGURE IS STILL IN THE CORNER OUT OF THE WAY.
ANDE IS IN LIGHT CONVERSATION WITH THE WAITRESS AT HIS TABLE. SHE IS A YOUNG SERVING WENCH, NO MORE THAN 18 YEARS OLD, HAIR TIED BACK IN A GREYISH HANDKERCHIEF.
1 CAPTION
LATER THAT EVENING.
TORDRAD (SINGING)
.

.
PAGE 7-
ANDE CHATTING UP THE WAITRESS FOR CRAIC TO STEP IN.
1- ANDE IS CHATTING UP THE WAITRESS, SMILING AT HER DEVIOUSLY. THE WAITRESS SHOWS NO EMOTION TO IT YET EXCEPT SLIGHT PUZZLEMENT.
WE SEE THE SQUIRE IN THE BACKGROUND IS LOOKING ON DISAPPROVINGLY AT ANDE.
ANDE (DRUNK)
HEYYY *HIC* GORGEOUSH ANY CHANCE OF SHUM *HIC* DE-SHERT NOW?
WAITRESS
SURE...ER WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
2- MEDIUM CLOSE UP OF ANDE LEANING IN TOWARDS THE WAITRESS NOW AND WINKING AT HER. SHE IS LOOKING UNCOMFORTABLE. CRAIC IS LOOKING TENSE AND ON THE EDGE OF HIS BAR STOOL.
ANDE
AND PERHAPSH A FEW SPOONFULSH *HIC* O’ YOU.
WAITRESS
OH...NO, LOOK I’M SORRY IF YOU HAVE THE WRONG IDEA. I DON’T WANT-
3- SHOT OF ANDE GRABBING HER BY THE WRIST
ANDE
DON’ WORRY ‘BOUT ALL THAT *HIC*

I C’N TAKE CARE O’ YOU GOOD TONIGHT MY LOVE.
WAITRESS
PLEASE DON’T!

STOP!
4- CUT IN SHOT OF CRAIC’S HAND GRABBING ANDE’S ARM.
ANDE (OP)
HOH?
5- WE SEE CRAIC PUSHING ANDE BACKWARDS AWAY FROM HER, ALMOST STUMBLING OVER BACKWARDS.
CRAIC
THE LADY HAS TRIED TELLING YOU SHE ISN’T INTERESTED.

BUT IF YOUR EARS NEED MORE, I’VE TWO WILLING FISTS FOR ‘EM RIGHT NOW!
6- A DAYDREAMING SHOT OF ANDE THINKING ABOUT THE WAITRESS’S CLEAVAGE, PICTURING HER CLEAVAGE IN A DAYDREAM BUBBLE BESIDE HIM AS HE GENTLY LOOKS ACROSS AT IT GRIMACING AT THE LOSS.
CRAIC (OP) (CONT’D)
HOW IS THIS GOING TO PLAY OUT THEN FRIEND?

YOUR CHOICE.
7- ANDE PUTS HIS HANDS UP AND BACKS AWAY IN A “YOU WIN” GESTURE. WE SEE CRAIC AND THE WAITRESS IN THE SHOT.
ANDE
ER I FINK I’M GONNA RETIRE TO ME BED, I’M FEELIN’ LIGHT ‘EADED SOMEFIN’ AWFUL *HIC*.
CRAIC
...WISE CHOICE.

ARE YOU HURT AT ALL MADAM?
PAGE 8-
WAITRESS TALKS TO CRAIC.
1- THE WAITRESS IS IMPRESSED WITH CRAIC.
WAITRESS
NO, I’M ALRIGHT THANKS TO YOU.

MY SAVIOUR, A PROPER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR YOU.
CRAIC (OP)
NOT QUITE YET...
2- POV SHOT FROM DARK SHADED FIGURE. WE SEE HIS RED WINE GLASS IN HIS BLACK GLOVED HAND AND SOME OF THE PAPERWORK IN FRONT OF HIM. SOME OF IT IS WANTED POSTERS FOR CHAOS DISCIPLES.
THE WAITRESS PUSHES HERSELF UP AGAINST CRAIC IN ADMIRATION.
WAITRESS
WELL YOU’RE MY KNIGHT...

...LOOK IT’S ALMOST MY SHIFT’S END
CRAIC
OH.
WAITRESS
YEAH, YOU COULD ESCORT ME HOME, HANDSOME.

AND PERHAPS YOU COULD SEE ME SAFELY INTO BED.
CRAIC
OH...N...
3- POV FROM SHADED FIGURE. CRAIC PULLING HIMSELF AWAY FROM HER. SHE LOOKS FULL OF SURPRISE.
CRAIC (CONT’D)
THAT WOULD BE...INAPPROPRIATE.

‘TWOULD BE A HURTING TO MY INTENDED BACK IN MIDDENHEIM.
4- CLOSE UP ON WAITRESS NOT LOOKING CONTENT.
WAITRESS
YOU’RE HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY FROM HER. SHE WOULDN’T EVER KNOW.

AREN’T YOU LONELY?
5- CLOSE UP ON CRAIC AVERTING HIS EYES AWAY AND DOWN.
CRAIC (THINKS)
PERHAPS YOU ASKED FOR IT FROM THAT SAILOR AFTER ALL.
WAITRESS (OP)
FINE!

BE THAT WAY!

YOUR LOSS!
6- SHOT OF HER LEAVING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR.
IN THE BACKGROUND WE SEE TORDRAD PLAYING DARTS WITH MAESTRO NOW. THE DARK SHADED FIGURE IS NO LONGER IN SHOT.
MAESTRO
MY ARMS ARE TIRING, THAT’S WHY MY SCORES ARE SO LOW...
TORDRAD
.



PAGE 9-
THE SHADED FIGURE TRIES TO LEAVE.
1- OSS OF DARK SHADED FIGURE APPROACHING THE BACK DOOR OF THE INN. A BAR WENCH STANDS IN THE WAY NOT LOOKING AT HIM BUT AT HER ORDER SHE HAS IN HAND, WITH SERVING TRAY IN THE OTHER WITH DRINKS AND FOOD ON IT. SHE IS LOOKING AT HER PAPER WITH SOME CONFUSION.
BARWENCH
SORRY, CUSTOMERS AIN’T ALLOWED OUT THAT W...
2- OSS OF HIM WAVING A HAND IN FRONT OF HER FACE, WHISPERING LOTS OF WORDS QUIETLY AT HER ALL AT ONCE. SHE LOOKS HYPNOTIZED.
DARK SHADED FIGURE (WHISPERS - TOO SMALL TO READ)
...................................................................................................
3- CLOSE UP ON CRAIC LOOKING AT SOMETHING IN SURPRISE. HE HEARS THUNDER AND RAIN.
SFX: KRAKOOOOM!
4- POV SHOT FROM CRAIC LOOKING AT THE VACANT OPEN BACK DOOR. A RAIN STORM IS OUTSIDE, THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. DROPS ARE FORMING AROUND THE DOOR FRAME TOP AND DRIPPING DOWN WITH HARD PATTERS.
THE BAR WENCH IS STILL STANDING THERE LOOKING SPACED OUT, BUT NOW IS STARTING TO LOOK AT HER TRAY INSTEAD.
THE RAIN SFX PERMEATES THROUGH ALL THE OTHER SFX.
SFX: TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SFX: RUMMMMMBLE!
SFX: TIP TIP TIP TIP TIP TIP TIP
5- MEDIUM CLOSE UP INSERT ON TORDRAD WITH VODKA BOTTLE IN HAND. MAESTRO LOOKS ON WITH SLIGHT CONCERN AT HIM.
TORDRAD
.
6- WE SEE CRAIC WALKING OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR (THE BACKGROUND SCENERY HELPS RELATE TO THE READER WHICH DOOR) WITH HIS JACKET PUTTING IT ON. CONCERN IS ALL OVER HIS FACE NOW.
CRAIC (THINKS)
THAT STORM...

I CAN’T SHAKE THIS NIGGLING DOUBT ABOUT LETTING HER GO LIKE THAT...