On How To Swat A Fly

I wrote a letter a little time ago, in response to Focus Magazine's article on how to swat a fly. The Editor passed my piece on to their original writer. I have reprinted my own response article for him, here publicly.

Dear Focus,

Timandra Harkness's article of 'How To Swat A Fly' was most interesting to me - seeing as I consider myself a veritable war veteran in battling the buzzing nuisances. I would however like to share some of my own findings with you if I may.

My own successful strategy against flies likewise accounts for the behavioural strengths of my enemy, but I consider other elements to be import.

For example, what if I told you that most of my successful kills come from magazine (never yours) usage for the grim task? Yes the relative viscosity of air to fly is a challenge, but a hunter like myself enjoys such a challenge. 

We get past the problem by understanding just two things about flies. 

Firstly, flies can and will take off backwards, thus throwing off your attempt. I attack accounting for this predictive escape trajectory, thus making better contact to push in opposition to mid air lift.

Secondly, flies have remarkably clever eyes. They get away so often because their visual breakdown of the threat is effectively played out in slow motion for them, so they see you coming long before you hit.

This idea inspired something truly dastardly! I decided to use that strength against them. 

Therefore, I move my weapon of choice - magazine, paper or swatter progressively closer to the fly, but I approach slowly. So slowly in fact that it requires an awful lot of self discipline to keep it up. I reasoned that if I moved so slow, flies would slow that down to something less noticeable. 

I further compound this effect with confusion, as I move the implement closer then further away, then further still on the next approach - a  two steps forward one step back technique as it were. This means that should the fly look up intermittently at something getting closer, it will look again and see it further away once more - thus luring it  into false calm.

I can get so close to them that I can practically stroke their heads, but of course at the last moment, I slam and...that is how to swat a fly.

Robert Freemantle

Bear Grylls The Island 2015 Condemnation of Piglets Episode

Controversy stormed over Bear Grylls: The Island, when the women's side killed two piglets.

One of the women have come forward to defend their actions, which can read here - http://www.lincolnshireecho.co.uk/Bear-Grylls-Island-Pig-killings-says-Lincoln/story-26384807-detail/story.html

- But I don't accept this explanation. She says the piglets were ill and lost the use of their back legs. Footage clearly showed that wasn't the case. We saw the piglets moving around freely. They had become separated from their mother and followed the group of women. 

Just to make something clear - this is not a tirade against women, but simply THESE particular women, who are giving their gender a bad name. I know women can do better than this, and that is why I write the following, for the sake of those who are better -

My complete list of problems with the women's actions are thus: 

• Piglets don't contain much meat comparitive to an adult pig. It's a false economy to kill piglets. The waste of life to food gained ratio doesn't rationalise these actions, especially when you consider the other points below.
• The piglets had followed them and befriended them. Now, there's more to this situation than first appears. Why? Pigs have been proven to have the same mental capacity as dogs. So I declare that if that had been two puppies instead of two piglets, they would have been hypocritical to not eat those...but I think we all know they would not have. No I am not condoning eating dogs. I disagree with that too, but I'm using it as a point to show up how weak the women's actions were.
• The women had a full grown pig right in front of them! They did not think to kill that because they appeared too afraid of what it might do to them. Yes it had young and would likely have been defensive, but the women were many. None of them had even attempted to fashion a spear of any kind previously. This was simply pathetic and cowardly.
• There were other sources of food on the island, such as crabs on the beach. No one had made any attempt to catch one of them, or hunted inland for anything else. No traps set, no weapons of any kind fashioned, just sitting around waiting for something to save them. Pathetic.
• The women were drinking rain water, but when it rained they did not take full advantage of every container strewn on the beach. Instead it was implied that the rubbish was more of an "eye sore" to their lovely beach. Just how stupid are these people? I saw it raining, yet containers just lying on their side with no use.
• The women separated, and went in circles trying to find the way to the opposite beach. The one person who did know how to trail through forests was being deprived of doing so, and then when she did get back to it, she too had lost her sense of direction, probably due to fatigue. The idea that they would separate meant that one group of women were left behind. Those other women did nothing to help themselves either. Why couldn't someone have thought to follow the coast line round? You cannot get lost then, and can make a decent recon of the perimeter first before heading further inland.
• One of them was even crying before they get onto the island...
• The fact that they failed to make fire and had help from Bear to do it (when dehydration became a severe issue), means that those women would not have survived the island. In my mind I have now lost interest - they are dead to me. Think back to the celebrity version of the show - that was the very criteria that Bear was looking for in eliminations: Whether they would survive or not...

Gold Den Article Used On Dragon Age Oracle

My recent Gold Den article for Freeport setting usage has been used on the most excellent RPG blog 'Dragon Age Oracle'. There's behind the scenes talk of using it elsewhere next too. We'll see.

You can see the article HERE.